We All Are Being Nibbled to Death by (Airline) Ducks

Having just returned from a ten-day trip to Israel using Delta Airlines, I was startled to learn from a new Washington Post story thatPile of suitcases, just in time for peak travel season, Delta has joined ranks with United, American Airlines, US Airways, and Frontier to abuse the traveling public with yet more draconian fee increases for checked baggage, ticket change fees and – get this – even in some cases carry-on luggage.  The author of the Post story lamented that there was “little” the traveler could do beyond simply biting the bullet and submitting to extortion.

However, there is something you can do: Fly Southwest Airlines whenever you can.  Southwest still has no baggage, change, or cancellation fees, and serves an ever increasing part of the country and even a few foreign destinations.  Back when my mom’s health was uncertain and her passing imminent, I appreciated the fact that if you had to change your flight, you could, worry free.  And if you had to cancel one you scheduled, you didn’t automatically lose it.  Instead, you could bank the fare with Southwest for use on some future booking.

I used to love Frontier with its cute animal pictures on the tails and winglets of its planes.  But since they drank the corporate kool-aid of nibbling passengers to death with their ever-increasing fees, Southwest has become my favorite airline for domestic travel.  And it helps that Southwest gives passengers marginally more leg-room than its big-boy competitors, and has one of the most rational boarding procedures around.  Go Southwest!

(Disclaimer: I have no stake in nor receive any benefit from Southwest Airlines.  I just like their policies! )

Guns versus Booze?

Thomas Jefferson, supporter of right to bear arms

Framers of the Constitution, such as Thomas Jefferson, supported citizens’ right to possess firearms.

Before America came along, this is how it worked: The ruler told you what you were allowed to do, and nothing else were you allowed to do unless he said you could (if he ever did).   America introduced a different principle: You could do anything you wanted, unless the government told you that you couldn’t.  And if the government told you that you couldn’t do something, it had to have a good reason.  Either because that action would cause harm, or because it would infringe on someone else’s rights, or both.  (To you rights scholars out there – I know this is simplistic; but I think the principle is sound.)

Using the First Amendment as an example, the principle works out this way in practical terms.  Freedom of speech means you can say anything you want.  But if you say “I have a bomb” in an airport security line, even if you don’t, you can be punished (the Constitution doesn’t require TSA screeners to have a sense of humor).

TSA security line

TSA security line. Don’t ever say “I have a bomb!”

Note what doesn’t happen: You are not forbidden to speak, just because you might say “I have a bomb.”  You are not gagged, nor are your vocal cords temporarily paralyzed because you might choose to say you have a bomb while going through a security line.

The same applies to other ways of expressing free speech.  We are free to write or publish anything we want.  But the law only allows us to be sued if we hurt someone through false accusations that libel or defame.  But no one takes away our computer nor printer, or access to a publishing company, just because we might libel someone.  We are not deprived of access to these things even if we have previously committed libel and might do it again.

As far as I can tell, this is so for every one of what are called “inalienable” rights.  The government can’t invade your home without good, objective evidence that they will find there evidence of criminal activity.  The government can’t lock you up just to keep you from associating with undesirable persons.  The government cannot stop you from owning a house or other property just because you might do something on or with it that harms the person or rights of someone else.  And so on.

Traditionally this has (mostly) even held true for the 2nd Amendment.  You are allowed to own a firearm of your choosing and use it however you wish.  But if you use it irresponsibly to threaten, injure or kill someone, you are punished for the illegal act, not for owning the firearm.

Yet if some folks get their way, that is about to go through a big change.  A whole category of previously-legal firearms and the features associated with them – so-called “assault weapons” (“tactical rifle” is actually a more accurate term) – are about to become illegal.

Popular civilian version of the AR-15 tactical rifle

Popular civilian version of the AR-15 tactical rifle.

I know there’s a quibble – those who already own one of these weapons would get to keep it for now.  But if the law passes, no one who isn’t already an owner will be able to take possession of a tactical semi-automatic rifle in the future under penalty of law.  The purpose of the legislation is, in principle, to reduce the level of ownership – ideally towards zero – through attrition or other means.  Proponents recognize this will take time, but they think that if the law is passed they will eventually reach that goal.

What this means, essentially, is that someone who takes possession of one of these weapons after such a ban might go into effect can be punished for an action that has not resulted in harm to anyone, nor infringed on anyone’s rights.  This is a clear violation of the principle that anything that doesn’t cause harm or infringement is permitted.  Indeed, this presents a turn in the founding principle of America.  It changes treatment of one of the original inalienable rights from a “restriction only if harm is done” model to a “permission from the government” model.  This seems an exceedingly dangerous precedent, if only from a Constitutional perspective.  We know the effect that precedents can have.  If it can be done with one right, might the same principle be applied to others?

I know some of you are thinking “Now wait a minute!  There is, after all, a difference.  In committing a hurtful speech act, someone’s reputation might be damaged.  But in misusing a firearm, someone might die.”

Actually, there are speech acts that can lead to death.  There’s the famous Yelling-Fire-in-a-Theater example (could lead to someone being trampled).  But in this case I more often think of what happened to Richard Welch, the CIA station chief in Athens who was assassinated after being identified in a magazine article.  Free speech can, on occasion, have fatal results. Still, I think we’ll all agree that few punishable speech acts lead directly to unjustified deaths.

But there is another, more interesting parallel, that involves something else that is widely popular, yet is often misused and regularly contributes to many unjustified deaths.  Yes, I’m talking about alcohol consumption.

“Guns vs. booze?”  Some people have objected to the analogy.  “They’re different cases.  You can’t compare them.”

Oh, but you can.

True, how we think of alcohol is different than how we think of guns.  But there are both similarities and differences between the two cases that make alcohol an excellent model to contrast/compare with Second Amendment arguments.

Let’s start off by enumerating some of the differences:

  • Alcohol is a consumable substance, firearms are durable objects.
  • Alcohol is physically addictive, firearms are not.
  • The mere consumption of alcohol impairs judgment and behavior.  The mere possession of a firearm does not.
  • Firearms have some practical applications.  Alcohol does not – it serves only an entertainment function.
  • Firearms possession and lawful use is Constitutionally protected.  Alcohol possession and consumption is not.
  •  Most harm from firearms use is directly intentional.  Most harm from alcohol consumption is not directly intentional, though it starts with an intentional act..
  • Alcohol consumption results in more unjustified fatalities annually than firearms use does.
Drunk driving kills more people per year than firearms murders

Drunk driving kills more people per year than firearms murders.

[For perspective, keep the following statistics in mind:  The Center for Disease Control estimates there are 80,000 alcohol-related deaths per year, compared to 32,163 total firearms deaths including suicide and accidents (in 2011).  In 2011 9,878 of those alcohol-related deaths were caused by drunk driving (compared to 8,583 firearms-related murders the same year).]

Now, let’s consider how they’re similar:

  • Misuse of both firearms and alcohol can lead to unjustified deaths.
  • Society imposes some regulation on the possession and use of both.
Whiskey bottles on display.

Whiskey bottles on display.

Here’s the crux of the comparison; Alcohol, which has no practical use and merely entertainment value in society, is only criminalized when its use leads to harm to others.  In other words, beyond the requirement that those who imbibe must be above a certain age, there are no further restrictions on possession or use of alcohol, even if you commit an illegal act involving alcohol.  You are never forbidden, for example, to own or drink whiskey even if you get behind the wheel of a car. You are punished for driving the car after you have drunk the whiskey.  Even if you have already been convicted before of a crime involving alcohol (e.g., driving drunk) you will still never be prevented from possessing or consuming, say, vodka or gin, just because it is possible (or even if it is likely) you might drive drunk again.

Yet that is the equivalent of what is being proposed for tactical semi-automatic rifles (“assault rifles”) and large-capacity magazines.  Citizens may be forbidden the possession and lawful use of these weapons just in case a tiny fraction might later be employed in a harmful, illegal way.  This would be the same as saying no one is allowed to buy or drink scotch whiskey because a minority of those consuming it will almost certainly drive drunk and kill someone.

It strikes me not just as odd, but in fact wrong that firearms ownership, which is enumerated as a right under the Constitution, could be more severely infringed than something like alcohol consumption, which not only is not a guaranteed right, but in fact kills far more people.

What do you think?

A Shocking Confession

I have a shocking confession to make. In tenth grade I took two guns to my high school. Even worse, several times as a teenager and young adult I carried rifles, pistols, and ammunition into the cabins of scheduled airline flights. More surprising, perhaps – is that my teacher at school and the flight crews knew I had these infernal instruments of destruction – and did absolutely nothing to stop me. I managed to escape prosecution on all counts.

Why did I get away with this? Why wasn’t I stopped? Because at the time all these actions were perfectly legal. I took my semi-automatic deer rifle and my pump action .22 to school to give a how-to talk in speech class on the proper way to clean firearms. And every time I flew to or from my summer jobs in various parts of the western US, I would carry those same rifles through the airport, past the gate, and onto the plane, then hand them to the flight attendant. She would stow them in the forward coat closet, to pass back to me when I exited the plane at the end of the trip (that was back when flight attendants were always female and aircraft had closets for passengers’ coats). On a couple of flights I even carried a handgun in my carry-bag, stowed under the seat of the passenger in front of me.

Soldiers with FAL assault rifles

Soldiers with FAL assault rifles.

I have another confession to make. Back when I was 16, I almost bought an assault rifle. Yes, that’s right. At 16. A rapid-fire, multi-shot, military-style rifle with a detachable magazine that could hold 20 or more cartridges. I ended up buying my deer rifle instead, for $150 dollars. But for the same money I could have purchased the FN-FAL 7.62 MM assault rifle hanging over the cashiers desk, or one of the several AR-15s or M1As in a rack behind the register (actually, the AR-15s were cheaper than my deer rifle). I paid cash I had earned mostly from baby-sitting money – no questions asked, not even about my age; and no background checks.

At the time, I could have ordered by mail from a wide list of surplus military rifles, handguns, and other weapons, also with no questions asked. Some of these were “obsolete,” though still effective. A British Lee-Enfield infantry rifle sold for a measly $17.00 plus shipping (they average around $500 now). A semi-automatic M-1 carbine with collapsible stock and 15- and 30-round magazines sold by mail for maybe around $50.00 (even a non-shooting replica these days goes for more than 200 bucks). It was a cool gun, and cheap to shoot. Any kid who wanted one could easily earn the money and order it. Some did, including a friend of mine.

Given the media hysteria today about firearms attacks, you might think the most surprising thing is this: These are the same types of guns available today. They were even easier to get back then than they are now, since gun control laws today are far more strict than they were 40 years ago. Yet back then there were no school shootings by teenagers or young adults, and there were virtually no mass shootings of any other kind.

Paul H. Smith (2nd from right) along with friends Jeff Whipple, Clark Whitney, John Norman, and Charlie Norman at a Boy Scout gun safety class.

Paul H. Smith (2nd from right) along with friends Jeff Whipple, Clark Whitney, John Norman, and Charlie Norman at a Boy Scout gun safety class.

I know you are now asking yourself, “Wait a minute. I thought gun control was supposed to cut down the number of firearms homicides?” The quick answer is that, well, overall it doesn’t. Starting with the Gun Control Act of 1968, gun restrictions in the US have increased in step with the increase in firearms-related homicides, to a peak in the early-to-mid 1990s.

(If we were not thinking clearly we might be tempted to say that, going just on the correlation, gun control actually causes gun crime; however, causation in a case like this is very complicated, and the case for gun control causing gun crime is no more “there” than it is for gun control preventing gun crimes).

But that is not the question I have in mind here. That question is, instead, “If high-power, multi-round firearms were more easily available to youth forty or fifty years ago, why is it only in the past 20 years (and especially in the past ten or so) that school shootings have become so common?”

Ironically, firearms are the most non-causal of all the ingredients that may go into a school shooting. What do I mean by that? The mere availability of a firearm obviously doesn’t create the motivation to use it on school children. That motivation must arise from some other source, and the firearm merely becomes the tool by which the motivation is realized.

For actual causative agents, I would nominate certain culprits that many others have suggested as well: Hyper-violent video games and movies, together with the 7/24-hour news cycle, and the failings of the mental health industry (I will have more to say about these in a later post, and still later will discuss a further culprit, the diminishing purpose in life for young males in our society, that may be the most causal of all).

Of course, the entertainment industry and the media have been quick to declare “not my fault!” and provide various bits of evidence and argument to try to get themselves off the hook. In a later post I will give my views on how and why they are wrong.

President Obama has now unveiled his recommendations for new firearms restrictions. I wish to be fair, so on a surface reading I think there are some good ideas here.  I will have more to say later about the ones I don’t think are so good.  But having listened to the rhetoric on both sides for a month now, I find troubling the prospects of what may (or may not) ultimately happen. As I mentioned, the usual suspects – the entertainment industry, the media, the mental health community and – to be fair – even the firearms lobby, are claiming innocence. But something is causing the rise in school and other mass shootings.

Unfortunately, despite lip service about assigning blame where it is due and taking steps to improve things in the future, it seems to me that much of both the administration’s and the mainstream media’s agenda is to scape-goat firearms. (On the part of the administration, perhaps this is because they know that nothing substantive is likely actually to be done about video games or film content – or even mental health policies.  On the part of the media, perhaps I am cynical — but I can’t avoid the suspicion that they are only trying to point attention away from their own culpability in the matter.)

As a politician it is, of course hard for the president to ignore loud and unfocused cries to “do something, anything!” coming from all quarters, most pointing at guns as the most visible aspect of the whole sorry mess. And I agree, something should be done. But the present debate climate sounds very much like the old joke about the drunk looking for his keys under the street light. “Where did you lose them?” he is asked. “Over there,” he replies, pointing off into the dark. “Then why are you looking here?” “Because this is where the light is!”

And, just as the drunk is never going to find his keys, in such a climate “just doing something” will likely not manage to actually solve anything, either, other than making some people feel good about themselves.  Is that really enough?

And Now, for Something Completely Different…

I had been working on a rather grim post reflecting my thoughts in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook school tragedy.  But at the rate I am making progress, I won’t get it done until Christmas, and it seems wrong to upload a serious (and maybe a little depressing) post on a holiday that is supposed to be joyous.  I will post it later next week.  Instead, I have a treat (I think) in store that goes better with the season.

For more than a decade I drew my own Christmas cards, had high-quality prints made of them, then signed them and sent them off to friends and family around the world.  As we collected more and more friends in the pre-Facebook days, the list grew longer until it exceeded 300.  At that point the whole project imploded under the pressure of keeping my remote viewing training business going, keeping up with my graduate studies and teaching load, plus all the stresses that come every year with getting ready for the holidays.  I still have ideas for cards.  I just don’t have the stamina to do the artwork and personalize, sign, address, and stamp all of them.  Just color me discouraged.

In creating the cards I do have, I used the same stippling technique with a technical drawing pen that I employed while doing scientific illustrations many years ago at Brigham Young University. At the time, I was an art major but eventually went off to serve a church mission in Switzerland (yes – it was like winning the lottery!) and embarking on an Army career.  Each Christmas card took an average 20 to 25 hours to do and, as you can tell, was quite painstaking.  Below are images of the cards with the stories of their creation to go along with them.

In drawing of angel

“Angel”

“Angel.”  I drew this card in 1987 with a 1977 Hallmark Christmas ornament as my model.  The ornament was special – I and my first wife, Betti purchased it to celebrate the birth of our daughter, Mary Elizabeth, just two weeks before Christmas.  She really did look a lot like that angel.  By the time I drew the card ten years later, Betti and I were separated and on the way to divorce after 11 years of marriage.  The card was a way of remembering happier times, and of acknowledging one of the three best things we ever produced together.

 

Ink drawing of merry Christmouse

“Merry Chirstmouse”

“Merry Christmouse” (1988) was a whimsical (and yes, I admit it – “punny”) idea that pretty much accurately portrays the family sense of humor. Though it was an afterthought, I particularly enjoyed having the mouse’s tail curve around outside the frame of the drawing.  And no, I have no idea whether or not a mouse would really have anything to do with a poinsettia!

 

 

 

 

Ink drawing of Earth ornament

“Earth Ornament”

“Earth Ornament.”  The Earth as a Christmas ornament came to me in December 1989 as a last-minute flash just as I was despairing of ever having either idea or time for a Christmas card drawing that year.  As it was, I only had enough time to render it in pencil before going to press.  Some day, perhaps, I might redo it in ink.  (Nah, probably not.)  The text inside reads “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,” with the subtitle “In a year when it seems peace might really be possible.”  Just weeks before, in November, the Berlin Wall started to come down, signaling the end of the Cold War that had defined my entire generation – and my Army career up to that point.  It would be several months before I learned just how elusive true peace would turn out to be.

Ink drawing of mosque

Mosque, King Fahd International Airport, Saudi Arabia

“Mosque” (1990).  By the time the next Christmas arrived, I was off to war.  My new wife Daryl and I had been married just four months when, the day after arriving back from a short vacation at the beach, the Army called to say that I had exactly four days to get my affairs in order and report to Fort Campbell, Kentucky for further movement to the Persian Gulf.  In December my unit, the 101st Aviation Brigade, was still quartered in the shell of an unfinished airport terminal building in eastern Saudi Arabia, awaiting orders to strike north into Iraq with the rest of Gen. “Stormin’ Norman” Schwartzkopf’s invasion force.  At first, I assumed there would be no chance that year to do a Christmas card.   It turned out, though, that there was time.  While I was off duty, and even sometimes when I was on during the late night shift when nothing was going on, I was able to work out what at first seems to be my least Christmas-like design.  It is the mosque perched atop the parking garage adjacent to the terminal building at what is now King Fahd International Airport.  Six thousand soldiers lived in the six-level parking garage under that mosque.  This lasted for four months or more, two cots to a parking space.  I managed to get the original drawing sketched, inked, and shipped back to Daryl for printing in time for her to send the cards out by Christmas that year.  Inside she had placed a quote from Isaiah 57:19: “Peace to him that is far off and to him that is near, saith the Lord.”  Three weeks later AH-64 Apache helicopters from our brigade launched the first direct attack on Iraqi, starting Desert Storm.

Ink drawing of reindeer

“Reindeer”

“Reindeer” (1991).  I returned to the States in April, but was assigned to Fort Campbell until the following September. Finally back in Maryland with my family, I opted for something different as a card design.  Somewhere I got the vision in my head of reindeer heading off across the tundra on a frosty night with their antlers silhouetted against the moon.  It was a little tough in those pre-World Wide Web days to find appropriate reference photos of reindeer.  The animals themselves were in short supply in central Maryland.  I did find a few useful shots but, fortuitously, not far away I discovered some reindeer at the National Zoo in the District of Columbia, about a 45 minute drive (non-rush hour) from our home in Laurel, MD.  Observing the live reindeer helped me get a better sense of how their antlers curve around, then splay at the ends.  This is one of my favorite card ideas.  I love how the negative space of the moon shadows the background antlers, and how the flowing shapes of the foreground antlers embrace the moon and deepen the perspective for the whole drawing.  The only improvement I would make would be to get a better artist to draw it!

“John 15:5″ (1992).  John 15:5 reads: “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing” (KJV).  But that’s not what the card said inside.  For that text, Daryl picked a line from a Czechoslovakian carol (Czechoslovakia still existed then; it went out of business the following year).  It goes like this: “Mary’s little baby, sleep.  Sleep in comfort, slumber deep.”   Where I got the idea for the design I no longer remember.  My only disappointment with it is that I didn’t get the left hand of the lute player quite right, even though I drafted one of my kids to be a hand model.  But it is commonly known in art classes that hands are among the hardest things to draw convincingly.  (At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.)  I enjoy the way the vine emerges from the pattern on the lute’s sound hole to create the vigorous growth that frames the upper half of the instrument – it more than makes up for the trouble I had with that darned hand.

Ink drawing of Ancient Star

“Ancient Star”

“Ancient Star” (1993).  In addition to the Bible, Mormons also accept the Book of Mormon as scripture.  Hey, if one “Good Book” is good, wouldn’t two be better?  It certainly gives us Mormons more to read!  –  including the account of Jesus Christ bringing the gospel to the New World.  Ruminating on this one day, I got to thinking about Christmas trees and Mayan glyphs, and about how funny it would be if some day archaeologists were to find the two incongruously brought together – and “Ancient Star” is the result.  The inside text is from The Book of Mormon, Helaman 14:5, which reads “And behold, there shall a new star arise, such an one as ye never have beheld; and this also shall be a sign unto you.”  (The effect of the passage was somewhat dampened in the card by my use of an ornamental but nearly indecipherable type face.  Oh, well – you can’t win ‘em all!)

"Santa's Reflection"“‘Santa’s Reflection’ (with apologies to M.C. Escher)” (1994).  Anyone familiar with the visionary artist M.C. Escher will recognize the genealogy of this drawing.  I no longer have any recollection why the idea popped into my head, but I had a lot of fun with it.  I managed to get the hand right in this one (maybe because it has a glove on it?), and I borrowed a little from “Christmouse” in having the ornament’s hanging hook curling around outside the frame.  On many of the “Santa’s Reflection” prints I mailed out I colored in the reindeer’s nose with red pencil.  Never one to let the opportunity for a pun to go unrealized, the interior text reads “We hope this Christmas season will be one you’ll reflect back on with fondness!”

By now, it should be obvious that whimsy and bad jokes run neck and neck through my Christmas card ideas.  Such is definitely the case with “…and a Happy Gnu Year!” (1995).  Like “Reindeer,” getting suitable photo references for wildebeests was a little challenging.  Thank goodness for National Geographic!  Still, as far as I can remember I could find none that had the right view to serve as a model for the drawing, so I had to interpolate the correct angles and perspective as I sketched.  I made a few false starts, but finally got it mostly right – I think.  The idea of the critter nibbling on a wreath was another fortuitous afterthought (suggested by the tradition of leaving cookies and milk out for Santa), but I’m doubtful that a real gnu would want to have a mouthful of prickly holly.  Maybe he’d do that in lieu of flossing?  Anyway, since we lived in the Washington, DC area at the time I drew it, I thought I’d include a sketch of the photo we had hanging in our house of the DC Mormon temple.  When the comic strip “Pickles,” drawn by Mormon artist Brian Crane, began running in the local paper I noticed him copying my idea by occasionally including pictures of Mormon temples on the wall behind his comic characters.  Funny, though. I don’t at all remember sending him any of my cards, especially this one…so just maybe he got the idea somewhere else!

Ink drawing of Christmas Boot

“Christmas Boot”

“Christmas Boot” (1996/97) was a two-year card.  During this period I was in the process of retiring from the Army, starting my remote viewing ESP training company, and moving the family to Austin, Texas.  Along with the stockings all “hung by the chimney with care,” it seemed to make sense to have a combat boot full of toys and goodies hanging there as well, symbolizing the end of my Army career and my “civilianizing” of the remote viewing skill I had learned in the Army but which was no longer needed to help fight the Cold War.

 

 

Ink drawing of cactus with Christmas lights

“Texas Cactus Christmas”

“Texas Cactus Christmas” (1998/99) was another two-year card, for some of the same reasons as the previous one.  But I was also now enrolled full time in my philosophy Ph.D. program at the University of Texas, and being challenged by discovering that it is a lot harder to “think for a living” than it sounds.  Daryl’s ghost-written memoir of legendary journalist Jack Anderson, Peace, War, and Politics was finally being published, and just a few months prior to Christmas, in October, 1999 I had signed the contract for my own book about remote viewing, which would eventually be titled Reading the Enemy’s Mind.   “Texas Cactus Christmas” served notice that we had arrived, that we were truly Texans – my wife Daryl and my daughter Mary Elizabeth Texans by birth, and me by adoption and decree of the University, which agreed that I should be counted as a resident for tuition purposes.  The cactus in the drawing grew across the street from our house until they built a church there.  The lights, now obsolete energy-hogs (but nonetheless awesome-looking), were sketched from ones we recycled shortly afterwards.  As of now our only Texas Christmas card, the text inside reads “Sending Warm Pricklies Your Way from the Lone Star State.”

Well there you have it – all eleven of my self-drawn Christmas cards (so far).  Who knows, next year there may be a new one to add to the collection.  Or maybe not.  Only time will tell!

Merry Christmas,
Paul

[If you would like to have one of these cards for your own, I still have prints available of most of them, plus some of my other drawings.  Click here to order your signed copy, suitable for framing now (some prints are in limited supply).]

Time to Leave the Polygamists Alone

We commented on it as we drove away – how it felt to be the weird ones, the odd-ones-out in a community whose women and little girls all wore ankle-length dresses and bonnets, their hair done up in identical hair styles, while their men and boys sported long-sleeved white shirts, broad-brimmed hats, and jeans held up by suspenders.  We wore what passed for normal attire in modern America.  But it was clearly not normal here, in Hildale, Utah, the headquarters of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS).

Out of curiosity, we had made the short detour into town while on a trip to visit friends and family in Utah.  Our brief visit was like being momentarily transported into another universe, where we were the aliens and what would have passed for aliens in our world were the normal ones.  But it did give me some perspective on how these people must feel now that they are being thrice victimized seemingly because they are strange and different according to modern American perceptions.

Warren Jeffs

Warren Jeffs, the jailed leader of the FLDS.

Make no mistake.  I have zero sympathy for their leader, Warren Jeffs, nor his twisted brand of 19th Century Mormonism, as taught in the FLDS church – which he used to head until shipped off to jail.  But I have just as little respect for those who would yet again victimize innocents who have already been victims twice before.  For the latter offense I point my finger at the State of Texas, in the person of its attorney general, Greg Abbot.

A few days ago the Greg Abbot story broke.  Mr. Abbot is marshaling the vast power and authority of Texas to confiscate the “Yearning for Zion” ranch in west Texas that belongs to the FLDS Church. The excuse for this land-grab is a Texas law originally aimed at drug traffickers.  According to the law, property associated with the commission of a crime may be deemed forfeit, even if it was acquired by legal means, and even if it in itself had no bearing on the crime committed.  The crimes involved mainly included sexual assault on minor children by Jeffs and some of his henchmen when they took girls in their early-to-mid teens as polygamist wives.

Never mind that most of the residents to be evicted from the property the state wants to legally steal are women and children for whom the land is one of their few remaining assets.  Never mind that any crimes for which the property may be confiscated were perpetrated against some of the same women and children who will be rendered homeless by the confiscation.

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott

Attorney General Greg Abbott wants Texas to confiscate land on which hundreds of FLDS women and children live.

But this is not the first time the Great State of Texas stepped in to abuse these same folks.  In 2008, approved by Mr. Abbot, an alliance of Texas social agencies, backed up by state and local police, plus the Texas Rangers, descended on the ranch and, in effect, legally kidnaped the sect’s children – all 439 of them.  The officials were acting on a tip from an adult woman pretending to be an emotionally distraught teenager, claiming that she had been a member of the group, had been sexually abused herself, and that there was similar abuse going on at the ranch.

The only trouble was, the authorities were primed to believe such rumors, and never checked out the “teenager’s” story until later.  They merely leaped into action, rounded up the kids, and put them up in temporary holding facilities far from the ranch.

It turned out that the “teenager” had never existed, and that the woman who had fabricated the story never had a connection with the FLDS church – she had made the whole story up.  To be sure, the investigators discovered twelve underage teenagers who had been openly taken by some of the male leaders of the group as “spiritual wives.”  But that could have been discovered without rounding up and shipping off the rest of the children.  No other evidence of sexual abuse of any of the other 439 children was found.  Even after all this came out, the state dragged its feet on returning the kids to their families.  It was a year before the majority of the children were back home.

FLDS temple at Yearning for Zion ranch

FLDS temple at Yearning for Zion ranch

Mr. Abbott, no doubt virtuous in his conviction that he is the one wearing the white hat, seems eager to legally extort money for Texas from the seizure of what turns out to be a valuable property.  The FLDS Church bought the land ten years ago for just over a million dollars, and has industriously worked to improve it during the past decade.  Today it is valued at $33 million.  Mr. Abbot no doubt sees this as a rich peach to pluck for state coffers – one that he can point proudly to when he throws his hat into the ring for governor, as many think he is going to do the next time election season rolls around.

Now, right on cue Anderson Cooper and his “news” team at CNN step into the act.  I normally respect Mr. Cooper, but the story segment he just ran has me shaking my head.  Last night’s Anderson Cooper 360 program featured a lengthy segment reported by Gary Tuchman.  The gist of it was this: the FLDS communities on the Arizona/Utah border had closed their schools for a week (or two – the reporting was unclear) to allow the students and their parents to earn money for the church by picking pecans on a large farm in Hurricane, Utah, about two dozen miles north of Hildale.  When the reporters stopped and pulled out their cameras to film the activity, the hundreds of kids and adults ran away.

Those were the facts.  But a conversation between Mr. Cooper and Mr. Tuchman ensued, establishing that 1) they judged it wrong that the kids were let out of school to work; 2) they believed the kids were being force to perform “child labor.”  And that 3) they thought it was wrong that the kids were not being paid for their work – that the money was going to the FLDS church, a “profit-making” enterprise.  The air of conspiracy was heightened by the images of hundreds of people among the pecan trees running from the reporters, and on-camera refusals of the FLDS folks the reporters approached to talk to them.

Anderson Cooper of CNN

Anderson Cooper of CNN

Unfortunately, the CNN report displays more about Mr. Cooper’s and Mr. Tuchman’s lack of understanding than anything ominous about the FLDS portrayed in the story.  First, until fairly recently it was common in the American west and other heavily-agricultural regions for kids to be released from school during harvest season to help get the crops in.  It may still be the case in some areas.  Indeed, even today in some Rocky Mountain states, school districts still give kids a fall vacation for deer-hunting season.  The fact that the FLDS communities felt it expedient to temporarily close down school for what they apparently think is an important community activity doesn’t seem all that exceptional if you know something about the world beyond a Park Avenue penthouse.

Second, even so far as the federal government is concerned common notions about “child labor” don’t apply in agricultural pursuits.  I started doing farm work when I was eleven.  I have picked plums alongside 5-year-old migrant workers.  My younger cousins were recruited for farm work almost as soon as they could walk. Farm families work side by side in the fields, just as the FLDS people were doing in the pecan orchard. The Amish follow this model religiously and, while many no doubt consider them a little weird, too, no one considers them criminal.  In all these cases, nobody doing the work gets “paid” in the sense apparently understood by Mr. Cooper and Mr. Tuchman.  Instead, the money goes into the family’s pool of resources for the benefit of all.

This is exactly what is likely happening to the money raised by the pecan-picking FLDS kids.  Yes, the money probably goes to the FLDS church.  But what Anderson Cooper and his reporters don’t understand, apparently, is that the FLDS church is not a “profit-making” operation in and of itself.  It is a collective, a communal organization, along much the same lines as an Israeli kibbutz.

FLDS women headed to court.

FLDS women headed to court to try to get custody of their children.

Whatever you may think of that (and I have no interest in participating myself, thank you very much), in a communal organization everyone contributes to the collective, and the collective sees to the welfare of all.  Though Warren Jeffs was guilty of reprehensible acts, I haven’t found any indication that he lived large off the receipts of the church like so many other religious charlatans have done – in other words, no stable of late-model Cadillacs, no corporate jet, no lavish dinner parties beside a jewel-encrusted swimming pool.  The resources of the church bought the land, built the buildings and homes, established the businesses, and settled the expenses of the community.  So by picking pecans in Hurricane Utah, the kids are in principle still contributing to the support of themselves and others, even if they never see any money that actually goes into their own pockets.

The fact that Mr Cooper and his team failed to recognize this, and cast what they observed in sinister tones, tells me that they have a preexisting bias against the FLDS that colors both their reporting and their analysis in unflattering ways – a bias fueled by apparent ignorance of rural American culture and of spiritual traditions alien to their own.  There are plenty of things to criticize the FLDS church for without attacking them over what may only be differences in culture and social tradition.  Far more widespread – and much more hidden – abuses were perpetrated by  Catholic priests.  Yet no one goes after the Catholic laity the way the victims of Warren Jeffs and the State of Texas are being harrassed.

As for running away from or refusing to talk to a CNN camera crew?  After all these FLDS folks have been through at the hands of the media, who can blame them.

God, Oil, and Coal

Bryan Fischer and Calvin Beisner think that God might get His feelings hurt if we don’t burn His oil and coal.  Now I believe in God at least as much as either Mr. Fischer and Mr. Beisner, yet I think they are both full of beans…and off-gassing furiously.  In a recent broadcast on the American Family Association channel, they appealed to the Parable of the Talents from the New Testament (Matthew 25:14-30), where the slothful servant buries the talent his Oil is an important resource.Lord gave him instead of investing it as he was expected.  This was supposed to provide the ground for their argument against (apparently) conserving fossil fuels and seeking fossil fuel alternatives.

They reasoned along these lines: God hides resources for us to find, and He expects us to discover them and put them to use.  So if we don’t find and exploit them (“unwrap” them and use them, so to speak), God feels disappointed and insulted that we have disrespected His gift.  Hurting God’s feelings in this way is “enormously insensitive” of us.

Messrs. Fischer & Beisner’s quirky philosophy seems to be based on a common, if rather superficial, logical calculus: God created the world and everything in it for the use of the human race.  There are large amounts of oil and coal.  These materials can be used for human purposes.  Therefore, they should be used for human purposes.

What people fail to understand is that logic is only sound as long as the premises themselves are true.  The premise here is that God intends everything on or in the Earth for human consumption.  Not even the Bible gives us any clear proof of that assumption.  However, for the sake of argument, let’s assume the premise is true.

Unfortunately, a little reflection brings up any number of possible modifications or alternate possibilities to the Fischer/Beisner argument:

  • Many things in the world can be consumed by humans in innumerable ways.  Not all of these ways are appropriate.  For example, we can put mercury in thermometers.  It is also possible to drink mercury.  Drinking mercury is a really bad idea.
  • Not everything in the world is suitable for human use.  The so-called “pink slime” that goes into some meat products might be an example of this (I mean, who wants to even entertain the idea that they might be eating something called “pink slime”?).
  • Some things are simply waste products and meant to be disposed of, rather than used for other purposes.  Gas from cow flatulence might be something like that (I can’t imagine why the Fischer/Beisner argument brought this to mind, but for some reason it did.).  Coal and oil are demonstrably decomposed organic material.  Maybe God is slapping Himself in the head in exasperation that we have descended so low as to ruin the environment by using such obvious waste materials.
  • Perhaps God created some things simply to plague humans, and have no other earthly value.  Here in Texas that is true, I am sure, of fire ants (and maybe Texas Attorney General Gregg Abbott), and perhaps of mosquitoes (though bats do find them nutritious; but then, if we didn’t have mosquitoes, maybe we wouldn’t need bats, either).  It might even be true of folks like Bryan Fischer or Calvin Beisner.  (Well, no – I must be wrong about that.  At least they’re serving a purpose by giving me an excuse for another blog post…though perhaps some might find that a plague in and of itself).
  • Maybe God gives us some things to test our judgment and ability to mature.  Yes, we might be tempted to eat dirt and smear poop on the walls when we’re two years old.  But people tend to think something is wrong with us if we’re still doing it at age 21.
  • Many things are wasted if used in one way, but more appropriately used in a different way.  So, for example, you can use wheat as landfill or composting material.  But that is not its highest nor best purpose.  I’ve always thought this was true of oil, coal, and other hydrocarbons.  They are essential components of a myriad of products and materials that have revolutionized life on the planet and raised the general standard of living far beyond anything ever seen before in history.  Yet here we are simply burning huge quantities of these irreplaceable substances just to get around and to light our homes and businesses.  How stupid is that!  Why aren’t we trying harder to come up with something better?
Cow flatulence like Fischer & Beisner's argument may solve no useful purpose

Cow flatulence, like Fischer & Beisner’s argument, may have no intrinsic value.

To refer back to the Parable of the Talents, maybe God is not so much displeased when we fail to use resources He has given us, but rather when we despoil beautiful landscapes to dig these resources up, just to simply waste them.  Perhaps He is really angry that we take resources He has meant for one use and squander them on another – something equivalent to burning $100 bills to boil your tea.

Maybe God is mature enough not to get mad at toddlers eating dirt, but really, really hopes we will grow up quickly enough not to eat so much that we completely clog up our digestive systems and die.

Or maybe He just wants us not to think we know – and try to tell everyone else –  how He actually feels about things we really know nothing about.

The Firecracker Queen

Beth Gibson in her 20s

Beth Gibson in her 20s

Beth Gibson passed away at age 91 a year ago this month.  She was given to neither violence nor cussing, and stood barely five foot three in her socks.  Yet everyone in her immediate family was appropriately and respectfully afraid of her.  She could cast a powerful withering glance; she could express displeasure with a sniff, and she could all but shrivel you when she injected  disappointment into her voice.  You did not want to be the one who disappointed Beth Gibson.

She was my mother-in-law and – at least so the belief goes in our culture – you’re not supposed to like your mother in law.  But I did.  In fact, I loved her.  This was because I knew that, hiding secretly inside, was an imp desperately wanting to get out.  I realized this when, upon visiting her a few months after marrying her daughter, I noticed Beth taking as much delight in the setting off of illicit firecrackers to celebrate the Fourth of July as my two young sons who were the ones lighting the fuses.

Beth and I had an ongoing contest centering on April Fools Day.  It went like this: I would try to fool her, and she would try to avoid being fooled. I mostly came out on top at first.  My most cherished success from the early days was when I managed to convince her that my wife Daryl was pregnant with twins.  I thought Beth was going to kill me when she found out there was only one baby, but in the aftermath I could tell she relished the ploy.

One elaborate attempt landed me in real hot water though.  That was the time I enlisted the aid of my son Christopher, then a young adult with spiky hair, touring the country with itinerant garage bands.  The plot was that he was going to pretend that he and all his band mates needed a place to spend the night while passing through San Antonio where Beth and her husband Bill lived.

The joke was supposed to be that Christopher would ask Beth and Bill to put the entire band up for the night in their one-bedroom, senior-living apartment.  A hearty “April Fools!” was supposed to bring an end to the subterfuge before any harm was done.  Knowing that there was a danger that this could go awry, I arranged with Christopher that I would email him step-by-step instructions at each point in the process.

Christopher with his band

Christopher (right) with his band “This Engine Burns” (the van was an old Korean plumber’s van, and the engine did later conk out)

The only problem was, Christopher was not where he was supposed to be, and he didn’t want me to know it.  Since he was not home in Colorado as I expected, he was not getting my emails and couldn’t admit it.  So he was making it up as he went along, thoroughly garbling my carefully-planned scenario and timeline.  Beth and Bill got the message that they needed to drive to downtown San
Antonio to rescue the band because the band’s van was broken down.  By the time Christopher realized things were out of control and called me to intervene, my in-laws had their coats on and were headed to their car to drive through rush-hour traffic for an appointment with a grandson that was actually half a continent away in LA.

Beth Gibson mobbed by grandkids

Beth Gibson mobbed by grandkids

I never could get Beth to fall for another April Fools joke after that, though I tried a few more times. Even though Beth was on to me, she was disappointed when I didn’t at least try something. One idea that might have worked was to slap a highly-realistic fake tattoo on the bare posterior of my toddler son, then maneuver his grandmother into changing his diaper.  I eagerly anticipated her indignant squawks upon finding a skull and crossbones or a Harley-Davidson logo emblazoned across her grandson’s derriere.  Unfortunately, the timing never worked out to put us there on April 1st before Will was potty trained.

Four days ago, the following letter came in the mail.  I don’t know whether Barron’s, the investors’ magazine, wants to tell us something that would surprise us – or if it is just Beth trying to put one over on me from the other side of the grave.  But I confess, all this week I have gotten my hopes up every time the doorbell rings unexpectedly.  Indeed, welcome back, Beth!

Welcome back, Beth